Days of Future Fuzz, Cast Album Vol. 4

by Podmusical

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1.
TWO FELT FRIENDS FELT TROOPERS Two felt friends! We’ve those guys! Just like all the other guys. Don’t have feelings that we hide! We’re just two felt friends. On patrol-a On a roll-a We’ll solve every crime until we meet our quota! TROOPER 2 Hold my hand! TROOPER 1 Nah I’m ok! FELT TROOPERS We’re just two felt friends! TROOPER 1 Remember Back at the academy? TROOPER 2 Whoa! That’s ancient history! TROOPER 1 Day one we were the closest of pals! I let you cheat off my tests, take claim for my arrests! TROOPER 2 And I was always watching you sleep! TROOPER 1 You’re still my best amigo, and anywhere that we go Is the place where the bad guys don’t wanna go! TROOPER 2 Hey! For you best buddy, I’d kill anyone in custody Who says I have feelings for you! FELT TROOPERS Two felt friends! We’re a set! Whether goofin’ on the job - or beating up suspects! Or threatening kids or hiding evidence! We’re just two felt friends! We’re just two felt friends! TROOPER 1 The sun is shining yarn rays! TROOPER 2 How does yarn make light? No one can say! FELT TROOPERS Don’t ask us! It makes us uneasy! And when we’re uneasy we shoot. We’re a pair - bad guys beware! We’re rough and tough and never scared! TROOPER 2 But what if we were honest even just for a - TROOPER 1 Nope! FELT TROOPERS Two felt friends! We’ve those guys! Just like all the other guys. Don’t have feelings that we hide! We’re just two felt friends. We’re just two felt friends. We can make the world better So long as we’re together And swallowing the truth that we fear! Hey! Who let THIS jerk in here?? ha! We’re just two felt friends! We’re just two felt friends! We’re really telling yah! We’re just two felt friends!
2.
FELTINA A flick of the wrist and a lick of the lash Turns what’s tuff into mush, turns their fire into ash A little pain spread over hours and hours Is a most useful tool in service to a higher power Sometimes you gotta kill something to make something feel better Yeah, sometimes you gotta kill something to make something feel better So settle in, let’s begin, you should know I’m nothing if not… Thorough. The crack of a rib or the loss of a toe And suddenly I know what I wanted to know And when that look in their eyes stirs a pity that lingers I just - cut it off, as though it were any old finger, cuz You gotta kill some things to make some things feel better. Yeah, sometimes you gotta kill something to make something feel better Better, yeah! I know my place, I know I’m a tool Serving his fuzzy grace, as he sees fit to use me PROFESSOR Y And what’s it like when you go home at night? Do you nuzzle his photo and hold it so tiiIIII- FELTINA Quiet. If you must know, I go home to my wife She looks me in the eye and - I mean to say she asks how my day went I can’t speak - she’s patient, she - Expects the best, what she sees I can’t see I killed that part of me Sometimes you gotta kill something to make something feel better Sometimes you gotta kill something to make something feel better Sometimes you gotta kill something to make something feel better Sometimes you gotta kill something to make something feel better!
3.
EVERYTHING YOU KNOW IS A LIE PROFESSOR Y What is it you believe, that makes what you do right? You serve a higher purpose poisoning your mind Spit out what they’re feeding you Before it takes your life Cuz everything you know is a Everything you know is a lie! Pardon my disbelief in a power so great It would ask you to kill, it would need you to ma’am Servicing a cause that’s taking freedoms away With a binary conflict as the even exchange We are both killers here I don’t seek to pacify But if all we’ve got is Fuzz v Tooth You gotta stop and wonder why It’s time to find who benefits When we are at war all the time Cuz everything you know is a Everything you know is a lie! Yeah, everything’s a lie! Can’t tell you just who got it wrong Not now that it’s gone on for so long All we can do is try and get it right Seek out the truth, break from the lie. What is it you believe - what makes what you do right? What do you truly see as the value of a life? Repeat after me: Everything you know is a FELTINA Everything I know is a PROFESSOR Y Everything you know is a lie.. FELTINA Everything I know is a lie… PROFESSOR Y Everything you know is a lie.. FELTINA Everything I know is a Everything I know is a Everything I know is a lie… PROFESSOR Y A tooth for a tooth, a button eye for eye We can’t be toothless but we shouldn’t be blind That tremor in your hand, before you give me a dose That’s the you that is real, not the one they control FELTINA Is anything worth serving If it’s killing you inside? PROFESSOR Y No! BOTH Everything you know is a Everything you know is a lie! Lie! Is a lie!
4.
NARRATOR Ah! I see that you’ve returned! And just in time, for, as we’ve learned, GG has found a strange stranger visitin’ Yes, out from the storm and into his kitchen: A handsome man, from head to toe Dressed as a chef, colored in mauve The color awarded chefs of the highest order For all he’d accomplished? GG was but turquoise There he stood, dripping wet And in the calm, he calmly said NARRATOR AS MAUVE CHEF “Golden George, hear me this day. Your son and all you’ve made - I’ll save. I’m no friend of Rays - those swine. They’ve stolen plenty that was mine. But I’ve a plan to bring them down If you’ll trust in me and hear me out. You’ll have your son and all you’ve made If you do exactly as I say.” NARRATOR GG’s mind raced, he blinked and He expected the Mauve Chef to fade - a vision. But there he stood! Smiling, teeth glistening… Now, GG had sworn to Triple M he’d be sane And deliver the franchise as promised to the Rays That was the safest plan, the plan that saved their son But now… he could have both?? That was a deal to be done… GOLDEN GEORGE You got a deal there mister! NARRATOR AS MAUVE CHEF Yeah! GOLDEN GEORGE You swear this plan will work? NARRATOR AS MAUVE CHEF I swear. Help me - I’ll guarantee you’ll Get all you deserve! Come! You get the oven going And bring your boy to help GOLDEN GEORGE Wait- NARRATOR AS MAUVE CHEF It’s time he learned the business I’ll need more help than just yourself NARRATOR And so the days went GG and son did toil While this Mauve Chef brought Every tub of oil to boil His recipes were stunning Little GG watched, amazed Mauve took the menu and he Elevated every taste Haha - that made big GG a little jealous, it did But what did it more had to do with his kid… GOLDEN GEORGE This chef, he swore to me He would save my restaurant and my family Now he’s changed every dish And I don’t like the way that little G idolizes him… NARRATOR Little G and Mauve had grown close, it was true The boy was entranced by anything the chef would do And for a chef like GG, this was maddening To be bested in his own kitchen, his own son his rival flattering GOLDEN GEORGE What is this showoff trying To prove? My recipes are giants And he’s simply deep-frying On their shoulders…. I’ll get the best of him GG Scrumptious always wins He can’t make a fool of me - This Mauve joker. NARRATOR AS MAUVE Hi. GOLDEN GEORGE Ah! Hello. I didn’t see you there. Just checking the pantry - making sure we’re prepared. Would hate to have anything missing, let’s see Plenty of breadcrumbs, that’s good!- NARRATOR AS MAUVE Neat. GG… I worry now that perhaps I was too hasty I saw a man without a plan to save his fam’ly I saw a chance to beat the clan that we both hate, see? But now I fear that my best judgement has betrayed me GOLDEN GEORGE I was just counting napkins you must have misheard. NARRATOR AS MAUVE Oh, Georgie, my dear, I heard every word. Now… Promise me, you’ll listen close. There’s a good boy. You need me or your restaurant’s finito GOLDEN GEORGE You need me too - I’m still working on the reason tho NARRATOR AS MAUVE I need you because the Rays are on there way You are the bait - let’s get that straight, Cuz I’ve another point to make: George, I’ve waited too long to have my plans dashed by some twerp (That’s you) There’s only one chance we’ll have to make this work My way or out of it, comprende? Now promise me you’ll listen and you’ll do as I say. I’ll make a feast To end the Rays So, I need to know that you’re gonna behave For the sake of your son You will take not a bite Now promise me this little thing and promise that you’ll do it just right. GOLDEN GEORGE …I promise. NARRATOR And so it came! The day the Rays would claim what was their right A grand parade, that swayed and aimed at GG’s gates it’s sights The procession of the Rays, drunk on power, hungry for a bite The procession of the Rays, at GG’s door… it had arrived Meanwhile in the kitchen, the team was at the bellows The flames in the macaroni oven glowed blue and red and yellow GOLDEN GEORGE Too hot, NARRATOR GG thought, for his specialty macaroni GOLDEN GEORGE This Mauve Chef must know best, but what if he’s baloney? If he’s wrong, my son’s gone, my business dies. NARRATOR He thought to himself as he cheesed the gravy fries. But the Mauve Chef didn’t sweat, he was calm to the extreme As he prepped the banquet for the Rays, like something from a dream Pan friend hand pies, and flash fried pork thighs piled high And always, eager little GG, beaming by his side GOLDEN GEORGE He claims he’ll save my son, But what will I have lost when we’ve won this trick? He’s enchanted him, Little G fulfills his ever whim - it makes me sick. What’s grand about a man who no one knows the name of? All that I’ve made for all to taste’s made my name famous! What has he done? To earn G’s love? This is outrageous! God damn that son of a gun, I’ll see him fall before we’re done. NARRATOR GG seethed, he lost himself in hate But then - the bell. Here were the Rays. The head Ray - Real Original - greeted GG at the door NARRATOR AS THE RAYS Reservation for 86, soon to be one more! NARRATOR He said with a nasty smirk - That pizza making jerk GOLDEN GEORGE We have a special night prepared. Not a single flourish has been spared. Please come and take your seats. I’ll announce my decision at the end of the feast NARRATOR These words that he recited, the Mauve Chef had written And GG snuck a glance at him, standing by the kitchen The Chef nodded, pleased, then left for the prep station He scooted Little G ahead of him, to help with preparations And the Rays took their seats And sang for their feast! NARRATOR AS THE RAYS We are the Rays! Since ancient days We have ruled o’er feasts and fun! We are the Rays, and it’s time that you paid With your franchise or your son! Our ways are blessed, by the goddess that’s best Edesia, second to none! We’ll rule as long as the sun has rays Only setting when the Rays have son! So come and feed us with your finest Let us see just what this franchise Has to offer to our dynasty! Serve us Scrumptious, don’t be shy, it Might be by night’s end you find us In… Your Family! NARRATOR And they laughed in a haughty tone As they smiled from their franchise throne. And G.G. filled up every glass Took their orders, served the apps Deep fried butter and draft beer from the taps And the Rays drank long and ate and ate and ate And G.G. looked toward the kitchen hoping to avoid his fate Through the window the mauve chef diced, sliced, and juillianned Everything according to his imperceptible plan. And in the oven, there, he’d placed The macaroni, let it bake… G.G. wiped sweat from his brow and watched what transpired - Was it the heat or the fear that caused him to perspire? Then, finally, in a great wave of the paddle The Mauve chef removed the macaroni from the oven’s crackle. Cheese and Noodles steamed the air The Rays all stopped and stared And they began snapping and calling for the dish – And the Mauve chef put it before them and said “As you wish.” GOLDEN GEORGE How they salivate, they cannot wait, they are entranced But this, is not my dish, this dish is his, it’s of his hands I know, it’s not my goal, to win their favor But to know, that in those bowls, he’s stolen What I made with all my gifts And taken it for his, the faker… NARRATOR The Rays devoured every plate placed in front of them Demanding seconds, thirds and fourths, even higher numbers and They were filled with wonderment, and plenty of noodles As they called for more, poor GG stewed - it was brutal. Perhaps he didn’t know how much he needed approval Needed to be reminded he was great, and not useless Well my pupils, you all know that vice is called “Hubris” And if GG knew this, he’d forgotten, his stomach knotted Listening as the whispers started - NARRATOR AS THE RAYS How far GG’s fallen. After showing such promise He couldn’t have cooked this - it’s beyond him Must be the work of the Mauve-robed shaman GG hired help! He ordered out! How’s that for rock bottom! GOLDEN GEORGE Hear them as they jeer, their judgement clear, they think me nothing That chef, he set me up, he stole my stuff, to see me suffer But how, could my finest chow, be put to shame? That chef, with out a name has taken What I made with all my gifts Stolen it for his, and left Me with nothing but the mess Why did I let him in what was I thinking? How good can that food be anyway? I worked for years to perfect my bake. Scoured 3 continents for the appropriate cheeses Why does my dish lack while his so pleases? He’s no genius, that weasel. I’m not to be treated Like a servant in my own restaurant, defeated. What makes, what makes, this taste so great What miracle of mac rests upon this plate. I… shouldn’t. But that breading, that crust… I shouldn’t . … but I must. NARRATOR And he took a bite. It’s the most delicious thing he’s ever tasted. … And then there was a laugh that cut the room. The Rays all turned their eyes glinting in the gloom. Crumbs in the mustaches, sneers on their faces – Their pants all unbuttoned their shoes even unlaced. NARRATOR AS THE RAYS Who dares to laugh at the great cabal of Rays? We’ll see that this mirthful joker pays! NARRATOR At the kitchen’s maw, the Mauve Chef stood tall He bellowed a laugh and smiled at them all NARRATOR AS MAUVE CHEF Bet you’re wondering what’s Got this giggle in my gut Put this wiggle in my strut While I’m showing you up Well let me tell you what: But first maybe I’ll Leave this costume behind I Am Bacchus Divine! THE God of wine And party time! I’ve always hated you Rays Since that fateful day Edesia stole our ways Of making drinks and tastes. And just gave em away Hope you had your fun Cuz your time is done Cuz today is the day That the Rays get stunned The empire decays And your ways get shunned Cuz today is the day that the Rays Had a son! NARRATOR And with that he revealed his epic troll – And tossed onto the table - Lil GG’s skull. And then the Rays realized right there That they had eaten son, prepared Via the burning macaroni oven bake And they Rays became to scream, vomit, and quake! They’d been tricked, via a prophetic loophole They’d lost their empire, they felt it in their soul. They scrambled like rats, their empire crashing – Pizza joints closing, slices going unsold, windows smashing! The curse upon franchises was broken, and the Ray’s were truly hosed! All the pieces of my- I mean, Bacchus’s plans were falling like Domino’s pizza brand dominoes. Now, GG grabs Bacchus and slams him hard GOLDEN GEORGE YOU KILLED MY SON FOR SOME CANARD!?? You lied to me, you used me, destroyed me NARRATOR But Bacchus shushed him, said NARRATOR AS BACCHUS Don’t be so noisy. Did I not promise you To save your restaurant, and your family too? You did as I requested Now see that son that they ingested Be resurrected! NARRATOR And with a wave of his wrist and a flick of his finger Something amazing happened, a real hum-dinger. All the Ray’s vomit swirled and Lil G was reborn a new – As this boy took shape around the skull and regrew – And Bacchus said – NARRATOR AS BACCHUS From death comes life and life from death And Little G is back to take his first reborn breathe – NARRATOR The boy smiled, but then he sputter, he could not speak For in his center - he was missing one, bite-sized piece. Oh, no… tsk tsk tsk The bite, the bite, the bite, the bite, that G.G. was forbidden to chew Now his son couldn’t breath, he turned blue And I turned to GG and he turned to… me And I just shook my head, what fools humans can be… You couldn’t wait one single meal to take a bite You’ve cost a deal you’ve cost a life Oh, what will you tell your wife? Right? Oh what an ego on this fellow here before me Demands justice, begs for mercy, That’s one gory price for glory - GG Come arise my boy You are not for this world Little G will come with me And shuffle off this mortal coil And as for you, you poor poor fool: G.G. Scrumptious your fast casual eatery shall become the greatest chain With locations from Zanzibar to Key West to wintery Maine! Your macaroni shall becomes more famous than the Whopper or Big Mac. But here’s where I hit you with a classic God style smack! Your wife will leave you, inconsolable, destroyed That you valued anything above your precious little boy You shall have no heirs and your famous dish – Shall now be called MANcaroni because each and every delish Bite will have a small sprinkling of your son on top to crisp the crust And you can’t stop it you’ll be powerless to watch the masses lust For the mancaroni, eating your son in front of you night after night And then you’ll become a ghost and haunt this restaurant site. But let’s not say I’m not kind in my own awesome Bacchus way They’ll be an end to your suffering eventually one strange day – After the world becomes weird due to a bomb – don’t’ ask – it’s crazy There will come 2 people to your restaurant, one stoic, one lazy. And I will allow this oven that once took a life to restore another And when you do that good deed, I release you, Scrumptious. But until that day Such is your fate So buckle down Your son’s the chow These people crave Pan after pan Again and again Watch them eat your kid As you once did Cuz you couldn’t obey Cuz you’re an egotist Now enjoy the show, I really got to go - Thanks for the kicks! Hahahaha!
5.
FAST CASUAL HEAVEN GHOST G.G. They say… There’s a place you can go Just for regular joes when your heart gives out from ranch sauce overload See every moment you lived In walls of celestial kitsch Where the service is nice, the menu infinite And I say: If you wanna spend eternity in A place with shakes and fries and ample seating Grab some wings and ascend to Fast Casual Heaven And ah-ooo Feel no pain or loss As you sample the slider flights And ah-ooo They’ve got every sauce So dip to your soul’s delight And ah-ooo You ought-a try The onion Ring of Rings they Fried for your sins, they’re Great as an app or a side So grab your pie in the sky Can’t miss the neon sign One cloud over from St. Peter’s Dollar Slice The bathroom’s always clean The table tops are pristine The parfait comes with sacramint chip ice cream So let’s go To the place where you can eat your blessin’s And never worry about indigestion Where your order’s ready in a second Because the waitstaff there is omnipresent Where my sins are finally forgiven Up where my boy’s been waiting, ever patient To see his papa again Fast Casual Heaven Finally, I ascend to Fast Casual Heaven
6.
Backwards 02:20
BACKWARDS FUZZO Look in the sky And see the starlight burning bright And know you’re looking far far back in time The light is centuries old, it’s just like time - you cannot hold it, but You adjust your fuzz-o-scope Time slipping from your grasp Looking forward’s always looking back Try to spy a reason, search for something to believe in Backwards, we long to go To feel a thing we barely know Backwards to find a place Before the pain of our mistakes Backwards and far away And falling farther from today Eyes turned and unaware The farther you go, the less that you know, the older you grow. There’s nothing for me back there That’s why all I have’s my plans Tho the further I go, the less sure I am Seems like the key to living’s living tip there’s nothing left Is that why living feels like theft? The past at our heels, stealing all our bests. Backwards, no place for me A waste for me, a trap. Backwards, why wish to be When there’s no going back Backwards, to miss a place To feel a sense of home Backwards, would it be ok? If we could go back, if we could go- Do they think we’d be happy? Could that make things right? Do they think we’d be happy (maybe we could be happy)? Tracing back the light Do you think you’d be happy If we could go, if we could go Backwards.
7.
FIGHT OF THE CENTURY RAGTIME SAM It’s finally happening Right here in New Jersey! The greatest question there’s been: Man versus Horse - who would win? Settled tonight in the ring! Celebrities fill the stands F Scott and Zelda dance! Jack Benny jokes with Astaire Some say Truman is there But disguised as a bear! Why? This is the Fight of the Century! You’ll say “you just had to be there!” This is The Fight of the Century! No, nothing will ever compare To The Fight of the Century! To The Fight of the Century! The murmurs grow and the undercard fails to ease the tension Joey Butts fights an oak tree - wins by split decision The lights are dimmed, you could hear a pin, as the moment breathless hangs in the air A spotlight glares, man and horse are there! When did they enter the ring? The crowd explodes as the bell begins to sing! Round One! Sea biscuit lands a hoof Land Biscuit shakes it off There they stand, proud and bright To the crowds great delight Trading lefts, trading rights But then the lights slam on! Police have stormed the hall! They try to stop the match That’s when the crowd attacks! The night erupts in a brawl! Wow! This is the Fight of the Century! Man punched horse and horse punched man! This is The Fight of the Century! Cops getting hits in where and whenever they can This is The Fight of the Century! This is The Fight of the Century! Arrests are made as people try to escape by private zeppelin The promoters eat the money in hopes of destroying the evidence Some say a bear ate an entire man before the secret service took him away It wasn’t until the light of day That the survivors surveyed The aftermath of the fray And saw on the stage this tender display: A man in horse in embrace!! Tongue on tongue and hoof and hand on face Why? This is the Fight of the Century! Horse and man loved man and horse! This is The Fight of the Century! Never underestimate the passion and power of Sport Such is The Fight of the Century! This was The Fight of the Century!
8.
DUMB HIPPY SONG When I was young I knew the world was wrong Because old folks were stuck in their ways And when I’m old I’ll know the problem’s because Young folk had more respect in our day People tell me I’m right My echo chamber don’t lie Because I only discuss Things with people I like Yeah! I got it figured out. Gonna tell you how it’s gotta be I done some thinking and I know what to change: The problem is with everyone except for me. It doesn’t matter if your fuzz or flesh I thought I was a fish for a week But I was just stuck in my bath tub Struck dumb from smoking PCP You gotta open your mind Unless you hate what you hear Then close your mind up again Before they sneak in your ears With a scary idea! Yeah! I got it figured out. Gonna tell you how it’s gotta be I done some thinking and I know what to change: The problem is with everyone except for me. Yeah! I got it figured out. Gonna tell you how it’s gotta be I done some thinking and I know what to change: The problem is with everyone except for me. Yeah! I got it figured out. Gonna tell you how it’s gotta be I done some thinking and I know what to change: The problem is with everyone except for me. The problem is with everyone except for me.

about

Volume 4 of 5!

These tracks were written and recorded June 2017 - March 2018 for Season 2 of the podcast The Fall of the House of Sunshine, Days of Future Fuzz.

credits

released July 25, 2018

music and lyrics by Matt roi Berger,
with additional lyrics by Jonathan Goldberg on track 4
concept by Jonathan Goldberg

mixed and recorded by Will Melones

license

all rights reserved

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