We’ve updated our Terms of Use to reflect our new entity name and address. You can review the changes here.
We’ve updated our Terms of Use. You can review the changes here.

Our Dumb Universe, Part 2

by Podmusical

/
1.
MOLE LEADER For many years we’ve lived in darkness In the warm depths of the earth At peace, you surface dwellers harmless At home among the stones and dirt But something changed to break our silence Word came you mocked our Mole-ish ways In a play that took poetic license And took a punch and had some fun Well how’s this, bud, the laughing’s done! Up from the mud and out for blood we come! Ha! We know we’re nothing much to look at We know our culture’s pretty stale But we are sensitive and to way more than light, all right And now you break into our home - I think it’s only fair, that we… Stab your guts with home made daggers Made of rock - I’m sure you think them trite! I’m sure you’re laughing, but pretty soon you’ll all be gasping Because the pointy side, it works just fine, It cuts and slides in to insides, oh and besides, I’ll confide, we’ve decided recognized It’s too late to apologize and beg for your awful lives. Ha! As we form this mob around you As we close in to seal your fate At least we didn’t back stab your culture and your ways At least we’re gonna stab you in the face! Oo-oo-oo~! Take the man from Iceland, Shove him full of priceless diamonds So they slice him deep inside him And he drowns in his own juice The fuzz man and the mad man They are fighting back to back man, Here’s the game plan, take this gas can, Douse em good and light the fuse Ah! Ah! Where did that sad fat man run to? AH Ah AH ah! No bother, we’ll find him in the tunnels Space man, that alone leaves you CROGUS I’ll fight every one of you until my dying breath! MOLE LEADER My dear I’m sure you’d fight assured With honor, pure, and in us stir A wonder for all of your valiance for evermore Had Molebert not just snuck up behind you. MOLEBERT Hi I’m Molebert. Stab. CROGUS AHHHHH! MOLE LEADER Yes! Everyone stab him! Let’s make it a party! Hahahahaha! Ha!
2.
HUPHELUMPHAGUS Please, let me be, just give me room to breath There’s something going on inside A voice in my head - what was that you said? There’s something going on inside Something’s creeping just beneath Something’s feeding off of me Something’s killed the lights Something isn’t right Something wants to free the dark inside Something’s eating me, I can hardly breath It’s try’n to tell me it’s all right A voice is in my head and this is what he said: Give over to the dark inside Where can you run when the void’s ate the sun When darkness is the one you hide? What can you do when it all points to you When you move to the dark inside? Oooh-ohh FELTINA My love, just tell me what to do Let me help you, we’ll get you through HUPHELUMPHAGUS Something says to harm FELTINA You know that voice is wrong HUPHELUMPHAGUS What I know to do’s Not what I feel is true: It’s gone FELTINA Someone help her quick! She’s shuddering, she’s sick Hold on baby it’s all right Whatever you’ve got there, whatever you’ve caught, there’s An answer that we’re gonna find HUPHELUMPHAGUS Where can you run when the void’s ate the sun When darkness is the one you hide? What can you do when it all points to you When you move to the dark inside? Oooh-ohh FELTINA Please you gotta be strong! Please just do it for me! You’re not acting yourself - I’m worried baby, let me help you please! HUPHELUMPHAGUS You don’t understand! You can’t fix a disease Cuz whatever it is Is something that’s alive in me! Oh-oh FELTINA My god what is this, it is stretching her skin There’s something moving round inside! Why can’t I move - there’s nothing I can do To save her from her dark inside HUPHELUMPHAGUS Where can you run when the void’s ate the sun When darkness is the one you hide? What can you do when it all points to you When you move to the dark inside?
3.
SONDRA No. Unlike Medicare for all this will pass. Look to history to help face the future … (Sings.) Lady history’s a little bit grim Her story’s always weighed out as lesser to His But give her many pages a skim You’ll find the definition of courage to live To fight for rights they outta already give A laundry list of heroes dismissed and pissed They gotta bed permission to exist So they resist! And that’s your lady history! Lady history blues, lady history blues An instigators and rebels Who’s Who Lady history blues, lady history blues Take a page from the girls who refuse, we Ain’t gonna give any one the satisfaction Of having us miss out on any of the action! Lady history blues, lady history blues Us ladies better stay in our lane At the top of our game and the chain Don’t let these little Mitches complaints Drive us from the climb to claim our fair shake Cuz Susan B please are you kidding me, Mitches be Slippin if they think we giving in, settling Gender’s a construct constricting us - ‘Lizabeth Stanton is standing up, handing out pamphlets: Declaration of Sentiments - Let us in! Margaret Sanger’s a target, they hate her for arguing Our bodies are ours, when we work, we work hard So raise a stick, Patsy Mink: pay us our dollars up! They say they’re gonna try to burn or drown Any of us for standing up / speaking out And so we SHOUT Cuz that’s your lady history Lady history blues, lady history blues Through the fire we forge something new Lady history blues, lady history blues Watch out now cuz we’re making the rules! They treat us as objects - need to see us as people. Cuz violence is obvious till they treat us as equals Lady history blues, lady history blues COMBO LADY Oooooh oh oh oh … SONDRA You’re here today cuz smart girls stayed in the picture So break ground like Lovelace, don’t be a hidden figure Like Gladys West, shape the world, point us where we’re moving Like Edith Clark, do what they say woman aren’t supposed to be doing Like Amazing Grace make the change that everyone’s allergic to Like Mae Jemison go touch the sky and prove that all of us can too! When people are scared they see a demon in change When people have power they don’t want it taken away When people won’t give you a chance than that’s what you take And that’s your lady history! Lady history blues, lady history blues An instigators and rebels Who’s Who Lady history blues, lady history blues Take a page from the girls who refuse: When somebody tells you that it ain’t your place Crush his Emily Dickenson in and give him a wave! COMBOLADY Bye bye! BOTH Lady history blues, lady history blues Lady history blues, lady history blues Lady history blues, lady history blues
4.
Fuzzsticks 04:24
PANGLA Hey, no. You’re my brother. It’s going to be rainbow-licious! (Sings.) When life has got you moping It’s hard to cut yourself some slack But don’t you ever stop hoping: Your twin sis has got your back Sometimes something silly Just a little nonsense phrase Can break you from your spiral Just give a try and be amazed Let’s find a little funny thing to say Well how bout Fuzzsticks? FUZZO What? PANGLA Yeah just say Fuzzsticks! It’ll be our fuzz trick When you’re feeling ick, Just give a tickle Fuzzsticks! You stinking Fuzzstick! Oh, I could Fuzzstick! And you might smiiiiiile. FUZZO My problems are too serious, My depression won’t be defied PANGLA That’s what your sad wants you to think Why not give Fuzzsticks a try? FUZZO Fine, Oh Fuzzsticks Hey, up your Fuzzstick! Don’t be a Fuzzstick! Ha PANGLA Is that a smiiiiile? FUZZO Yeah… Ok that was pretty fun, but We giggle now but Fuzzsticks Will it help when I feel alone? Will it help when I remember That I’m a failure, and dethroned? Will it ease the pain recalling How I made my mother cry Which Caused her to seek vengeance So she made my brother die? PANGLA Together we can love and hope and try FUZZO …Hey there depression! Go eat a Fuzzstick! You’re such a Fuzzstick All you do is take my time! PANGLA There’s an expression… FUZZO Oh what was it… RIGHT! BOTH RIGHT! Lick my Fuzzstick! You useless guuuuuuy! FUZZO But this won’t solve all my problems PANGLA That’s not really the goal; Just to break you from the loop- FUZZO Right! And give me back control! So I say Fuzzsticks! That’s our Fuzz trick! Me and my Fuzz sis It makes us smiiiiiile! BOTH Smiiiiiiile! FUZZO Smile, and remember that the future isn’t known I am not decided yet, that’s under my control And when the darkness and the hardness tell me I’m their own And when my heart rate quickens, and I sicken, losing hope I’ll see your face, I’ll take a breath and go: BOTH Fuzzsticks! All is Fuzzsticks! Sing out Fuzzsticks! All is well! Bada-da-dat-da-da! Fuzzsticks! Give me Fuzzsticks! All is Fuzzsticks! Let it swell! Bada-da-dat-da-da! Na na na na na na! … Bada-da-dat-da-da! Na na na na na na! … Bada-da-dat-da-da! FUZZO But what if I am hurting From a thing I cannot change From someone I am missing Who’s dead and gone away Fuzzsticks can’t revive them Return them from the grave PANGLA Maybe if we try together Fuzzsticks’ll help us in a way, Thru a connection we both hold and save FUZZO Oh Brushee… Fuzzsticks, I’m sorry Your death was gnarly And I in part deserve the fault [POOF!] BRUSHEE Oh my dear Fuzzo… Release your struggle In you I’m snuggled At peace, alive Death is a petty thing: For all it tries to steal, It gives us purpose in the end To love in a way that’s real And I love this, Fuzz bruh and Fuzz sis Will all my Fuzzsticks, Your my sunshiiiiiine! My sunshine: ALL THREE Fuzzsticks! All is Fuzzsticks! Sing out Fuzzsticks! All is well! Bada-da-dat-da-da! Fuzzsticks! Give me Fuzzsticks! All is Fuzzsticks! Let it swell! Bada-da-dat-da-da! Na na na na na na! … Bada-da-dat-da-da! Na na na na na na! … Bada-da-dat-da-da!
5.
JOHN QUINCY CARTER Hey girl, I know you’re battered and broke But they need you in the cockpit and it ain’t no joke Test those ankles and breath through the pain Trust me, a cheerful figment of your damaged brain You gotta pull yourself together kid The survival of your friends means getting to the bridge Can’t be late, hurry, you’re doing great! Now: enter the reactor room in this fugue state And then you flip The switch Uh-oh and what is this? Fix, the glitch Returning power to the ship Now, Wake up! Wake up Sondra And fire that laser! Yeah you’re seeing double vision - just focus on the mission, kid. Yeah! Trust this hallucination, get to your battle station, quick! Yeah! Just down the corridor, you’re almost there Don’t focus on the blood that’s matted in your hair You took a hit, we’ll fix that when we can But now for this cockpit door - it seems a little bit jammed! And so you flip The switch Patch on into the ship Fix, the glitch You’re my queen of fixing it! Now, Wake up! Wake up Sondra And fire that laser! Oooooo! [She enters the cockpit, sounds of alarms and shield being damaged, Dankent saying “Sondra!” all dull and drowned out, a dream.] Now, I know you’re new to space, but with all tech you’re just an ace, so adapt! yEah! The ships on auto pilot, Bloor’s lying on his side, he’s been zapped! Zapped! So flip The switch Girl, you’re in your element Fix, the glitch Charge those blasters, take a breath And Wake up x8 Wake up Sondra x2 And fire that laser!! Calm your hands from their shaking No time to start fading Your charging the lasers And you’re doing great kid Ooo-oo-oo-oo Your friends all need saving So remember your training It’s as easy as aiming Set those Null suckers blazing! OOOOOOOOO! Wake up, wake up Sondra! x5 And fire that laser!!!
6.
AGENT SQUATCH The clock strikes one and the wind is in my hair The rebels attack and I just cannot care Out in the jungle, I know that you’re there Your body lit by the moonlight FELTINA We take the village, secure the highway I’m bruised and I’m tired from another long day I see you standing there, my body starts to sway Feeling the beat of the night BOTH We feel the pulsing of the rhythm of our lives We chase and run for it — the whole world over We are the dancers in the rhythm of our lives We can find a way AGENT SQUATCH I chase you through the heat and the dark Drawn on by the rhythm and your haunting spark And by my mission to infiltrate FARC I know that you’re waiting for me FELTINA The moon is up and I’m under your spell Haven’t felt such a charge since I worked for Fidel Crouching in the bushes, behind you I smell The sweet scent of dancing, so free BOTH We dance for freedom to the rhythm of our lives We chase and run for it, the wide world over We feel it pounding it’s the the rhythm of our lives We can find a way And we run! Oh oh oh! How we run oh oh oh! Yeah we run oh oh oh! We feel the pulsing of the rhythm of our lives We chase and run for it — the whole world over We are the dancers in the rhythm of our lives We can find a way We dance for freedom to the rhythm of our lives We chase and run for it, the wide world over We feel it pounding it’s the the rhythm of our lives We can find a way
7.
ETHEREAL BAND BEING Ro-Battle, Go-Battle, Go! Well she rips through the doors in the Cargo Bay She sees three dozen null defenders and she’s into the fray Her targets raise their lasers but she rips through their hulls In a rocket boost menu ever, sending shrapnel through skulls She’s murdering these pilots just to buy her mama time to run But she knows she’d be a liar if she said she wasn’t having fun Oh! Ro-Battle, Go-Battle, Go! Ro-Battle, Go-Battle, Go! Well the Null regroup and they praise the void They scan the scatter shattered shards of the ships she’s destroyed They find her on some space dust, all their lasers lock But she turbo blasts faster; all they hit is rock Before they notice that they’ve missed her, like a missile she dives into the swarm Carving armor, making martyrs, and she does it all with perfect form Oh! Ro-Battle, Go-Battle, Go! Ripping through flesh with such efficiency! Ro-Battle, Go-Battle, Go! Aw… she’s so metal! Literally! Ro-Battle, Go-Battle, Go! They fire in dismay as she weaves through their formation Every blast they land on her, two more send null to cremation She pulls their squadron leader out his ship by his face To watch his lungs exploding in the vacuum of space, goddamn! Well the last ships charge, catch our lady off guard She takes the impact and she flips back, hits some wreckage hard In the moment that she’s dazed, the lasers blaze and carve; But with the will of all first ladies she maintains and rearms She wipes some oil from her nose, adjusts her freon hose and proudly she stands Her reserve tanks are near empty, redirects it all to her laser hands - blam blam blam blam! Oh! Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah! Ro-Battle, Go-Battle, Go! The strength of Ab’gail Adams with the grace of Jackie O Ro-Battle, Go-Battle, Go! With Martha Washington’s passion and the aim of Liz Monroe Ro-Battle, Go-Battle, Go! Blasting nulls to atoms, laughing as they go Ro-Battle, Go-Battle, Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Aiiiiii! Aiiiiii! Go Go Go Go Go! With the last of her strength She fell from the sky Onto an asteroid nearby Oh but she did not die She looks up to the stars Diagnostics are run Without massive repairs, and without parts to spare Her flying days are done But she smiles, looks around This is her home now There’s no battle, no battle, no She braved battle, saved what matters most Oh-oh-oh-oh…!
8.
COMBOLADY 2 Decision matrix unable to complete evaluation. My processor can’t weigh the pros and cons and give me an absolute answer. Should I bring another being to start-up? Is that fair? Is that right? (Sings.) Where does my / future lie Alone on a space rock, til the ends of time? It’s my choice / Where’s my voice? Where’s mother’s command, always plotting my course? Truly alone, with no directions to go on I’m free to do as I please Ro-Make the Ro-choice that’s Ro-Right for my Ro-Body I have run / simulations And I could live forever on my reserved plasma But set this spark / I’ll soon go dark Such is the cost of my labor and parts There’s the equation that I weigh and delay on Do I solve for life or life? No Boolean logic can guide me / I must feel what feels right I must feel what feels right I was not programmed for life Just a president’s wife No - That’s not right I am the product of my mother’s loving life She made me more than just a bucket full of wires Her hopes and heart are in my parts and I desire To pass that on / pass it on… Do I dare? / Is this fair? A child bot brought into this atmosphere Create a light / electric life Make something wholly From my plastic soul, we could Spend a lifetime, or whatever time I’ve Got left sharing time & light Share a story of all from before we could Be a family, could make a life. Make a life… I am the product of my adventures and my life They’ve made me more than just a bucket full of wires My hopes and heart’ll be in her parts and I desire To be strong, to be her mom… To be her mom…
9.
EBB When all was not, just a blanket - black This was of course a long way back A spark killed dark, and then came light The Elder gods arrived These elemental ancient gods All life sprang from inside their bods Barrels, sorrow, Hope and Ice The Elders founded life All was shaped to praise their glory They partied hard with cosmic fury All that lived must praise them purely Or else were murdered in a hurry And so all remained for a time The universe was still and quiet Slowly, life took hold Civilizations Rose up, became bold Challenged, and were thrown DOWN!! The response was fast and vicious Barrel storms CRASHED, soup explosions, brilliant Elder gods damned all form their ambition All life was wiped out from existence ai ai ai ai This happened many times The gods are fickle with their might But one life evaded The wrath they created Hidden and waitin’ All hail, the Ur-Egg! His yoke, our universal hope! Cobalt, Phlegm, Fuzz, Dust and Ice Plasma, Sorrow, Barrels, Rice, Argon, Feathers, Hope, Steel, Soup The egg was something new… Then it cracked in two.
10.
EBB So all was choked; the gods held hold Of all that challenged their control Retribution, one thousand fold Kept all beneath their yoke But, speak of yoke, the Ur-Egg hatched Fin’ly for the Elders, a worthy match Looked on their abuse of life And swore to make it right Behold his powers; like a dream! Pouring from his eggy cream! Boy, that boy had Ur-vry thing! Makes all the Elders cry and scream! ai ai ai ai And they throw down! He smacked the elder Soup, boxed Elder Fuzzright in the nerts Tripped Elder Hope, kicked Elder Rice right where it Elder hurts! And Elder Plasma, well he threw her into two black holes! Cracked Elder Barrel with Elder Steel and Elder Iced them both! The Elders cried in horror! Who was this awesome worrier?! Slunk off to lick their wounds Sleep for a billion years on distant worlds and moons The Ur-Son, victorious! He took a much deserved rest. He too was wounded Atomic and near death Dying - his bod split Blasting the cosmos with Ur bits! Ohh…. The Ur-bits flew / through endless space Coming to rest / from place to place And from them came / A life all new An Ur-garden through the cosmos grew And thought the Ur Son departs He is still with us in his parts Slowly, life took hold Civilizations Rose up became bold Flourished, unopposed Each in their own ways From Ur Son they did take Guided by the wisdom Of the Ur Part that they came from So some were loving, from Ur-Heart And from Ur-Brain, came some who’re smart And from Ur-feet, Ur-hand, Ur-tongues and eyes, Others were comprised And some evolved, took to the stars And saw the universe of parts And gave thanks for the Ur Son’s fight His life-giving sacrifice And so life continues to expand Until it ends, as it began…
11.
COUNTRY SINGER Praise the Ur-Anus, A-holy grace The Fartus shout and tout her name Tootus Bootus he’s their chief Got a big ol smile grinning cheek to cheek Prays all day to her Anus High Tears pouring out his big brown eye “Ur Anus, we give ourselves to you, And song the song you taught us to, we go:” [Farts] Well, looking down on praiseful Tootus The Anus heard his hallelujahs Says, “Tootus, hear my dumpy roar! I’ve deemed you worthy of reward! Inspiration from on high Take these ship plans, blessed, divine The fastest blaster e’er conceived: Tootus, build this ship for me! [Farts] Pride so full he was damn near bursting! Tootus got his keister working With praiseful son and joyful shout Worked day and night to bust one out Fin’ly to his great relief Cooked up one so good he could hardly breath Fartknocker was this speedy ship Silent but steady, she truly ripped Firing off a pressured gas This mother really could bust ass! Ripping through space with sweet control She could even blast through a black hole A-holy gift, so powerful strong Praise the Anus! Sing her song! [Farts]
12.
Warrior 02:51
FELTINA Huph knew how to live. All of us. We’re warriors. We’re … survivors. (Sings.) It’s always darkest before the dawn So when I wake I put my armor on A thousand battles, I’ve seen it all But I don’t know how to face this one I’ve fought for right, I’ve fought for wrong But now I fighting to stay strong, to carry on I I I I I am a Warrior! I I I I I am a Warrior! VALBORG Can’t know your strength, until you’ve fought Know your love before you’ve loved and lost My love is dead, my mission gone And I’m not sure how to go on My purpose tossed, I’m feeling lost But for my friends I’ll find my plot, and fight on, cuz: I I I I I am a Warrior! I I I I I am a Warrior! FELTINA AND VALBORG I I I I I am a Warrior! I I I I I am a Warrior! FELTINA For our family VALBORG For the friends that we find SONDRA To discover ALL For the chance to survive I’m tired of fighting But I’m still here So I fight SONDRA We’ll find a way, Huph will heal Together we’ll think up a plan We’ll survive this, we always do I’m by your side, I know we can No one will dare to take us on! ALL I I I I I am a Warrior! I I I I I am a Warrior! I I I I I am a Warrior! I I I I I am a Warrior!
13.
IRVNA I miss my homeworld. I miss it ever so much. (Sings.) Where I come from is perfect Ok - It’s not perfect, but still Perfect in this case is just a phrase To compare with my current cell So not perfect, but OK Sure, there are some things we could fix Look - no place is perfect, despite what I say I’m not gonna sugar coat it My glasses are rosy I get it’s subjective, all right? But compared to this prison My world was paradise Whoa whoa whoa that sweet world How I so miss you tonight You’re all that I know, so maybe you’re only all right Sweet like a candy But maybe one that’s too sweet to enjoy Besides, you’re doctor’s like Irvna, stop it: Remember you’re not so young anymore But my friends and my family They were the sweetest of all Cept for Orma who asked me to help her move Then just mostly drank a smoothie and stood in the hall And Horti at work - eesh Look I can’t make excuses for him The people back there are complicated But they were way better than this mess whoa whoa whoa The sweet world Like sugar so sweet rubbed on an open wound Like a caramel that someone dropped in some poop Like home to me, I hope that I’ll return soon Sure, we all have our issues There’s just no avoiding the fact It’s a gross butthole excuse of a planet, but it’s mine and I want to go back To that sweet world To that sweet world It’s meh but it’s mine And oh how I miss it tonight
14.
BEEP / BOOP / BOP Beyond the boundaries we’ve destroyed Where souls diverge, you’ll feel a stir Within the boundless, inky void Address the urge, the urge to merge you can’t avoid FELTINA AND HUPH Always and forever We will be together BEEP / BOOP / BOP Fluff unspooled across the room Muscles inert, psyches submerged Hang your pieces on the loom Sew and converge, allow the urge to merge consume Two will always be as one The only way to save the one you love FELTINA AND HUPH Always and forever We will be together [FELTINA speaks in loving Spanish a la French/Brazilian music, HUPH responds repeatedly: I don’t speak Spanish. Honey? I don’t. That sounds really sweet but… Oh Tina…] FELTINA AND HUPH Always and forever We will be together Always and forever We will be together Always and forever
15.
DR PAFFIN I told them the formula wasn’t ready! I warned them Zunk was too extreme a compound! No, it’s my fault. I was hungry for fame. I Dr. Luffin Paffin should have known. I didn’t stop it. Even when I saw … by the rings of Urubu I should have known. (Sings.) The road to ruin is paved With good intentions, it’s true When I discovered Zunk I dreamed of all the good it would do What a fool What a shame! Things can never be the same Once the Nugget Corporation comes for you They promised me riches For the secret of my Zunk They said I’d have the say But in the end, they shut me up Ignored the trials Ignored my warnings These nuggets lethal, mind destroying The ad campaigns were paid for The cost was long since sunk People feasting on their lies! People bleeding from their eyes! All the while the profits rise! Cases of Arson, never higher! My best intentions twisted, bent! Now is the Zunk of my discontent! As mad men set the world to flame I can’t help but feel I am somewhat to blame… And I’ve searched: there’s no cure To this Zunkian horror Only a flavor blasted madness that burns Ever more….
16.

credits

released December 28, 2020

license

all rights reserved

tags

about

Podmusical New York

THE FALL OF THE HOUSE OF SUNSHINE is a serialized comedy musical podcast.

contact / help

Contact Podmusical

Streaming and
Download help

Redeem code

Report this album or account